2012

The saying goes, "In like a lamb out like a lion; in like a lion out like a lamb." Well, my year was in like a lamb and out like a lion. At the start of the year, I was married, had a decent paying job and was relatively happy. The lion came quickly, though. The marriage got rocky, but I started a band with someone I never expected to become such a great friend. I won't go into details about how the marriage began to fall apart in January, it's a piece of my past that is still making me who I am today.

I had fun getting the band started with Justin Deluna and watching it evolve into something great, and a total blast. We named ourselves Limits From Lies, a line taken from a song by my favorite band, Thrice. And through the process of finding a drummer I met someone who quickly became an amazing friend as well; Austin Stewart. He invited me to join a Death Metal project he had been working on. I became the vocalist for a Christian Death Metal band while I played guitar in a Hard Rock/Metal band. I loved both bands and it was hard to eventually leave them. Both Justin and Austin became two of my best friends the last few months of my time in Colorado.

I was glad to have the band as an outlet because things started to change at work and, even though it was a bit frustrating at times, it turned out to be a good thing. I lost my two biggest accounts, but I got my weekends back. It was during this time that my marriage fell apart as well. As painful as it was, it was also a burden lifted off of my shoulders that I no longer had to worry about. And as much as I know God hates divorce, He blessed me through it by bringing friends back into my life that I had lost because of the relationship. I am ever grateful for that.

This Fall, things at work continued to change and get worse. It got to the point to me not wanting to work there anymore. Being newly divorced, and after a failed attempt at a dating relationship, and after talks with my mother and brothers, I decided to move back home to California. I got to spend Christmas with family for the first time in two years, which was the best gift I received this year.

I reconnected with an old friend and because of her invitation to her church, I've reconnected with another old friend and am looking forward to building those friendships up more. Along with those relationships, I'm building up a better relationship with my brother, Mike, which was hurt a bit because of my relationship with my now ex-wife. Also, I finally am building up a good relationship with my wonderful sister-in-law, who is a true sister in my eyes.

But one last event had to happen just before the end of the year. Yesterday I had to go to the ER because I was passing a kidney stone. I guess I'll be drinking more water and less soda from now on!

So where am I now as I head into 2013? I'm back with family; I'm recovering from a kidney stone; I'm unemployed; I have a church that will possibly become my home church; I'm divorced and still single, but that's okay for now. I've got good and bad all around, but I'm right where God wants me. Here's to a better 2013!

Title Picked!

And the contest winner is......Miranda Eddy! Sorry there's no real prize other than knowing you picked that title! haha.

The title to my newest song is "From Within".

Need Title For Song!!!!

So, tonight was one of those rare nights that I desired nothing but to play my guitar and write a song. So that's what I did. I started messing with a chord progression and decided to see if it would fit the lyrics I had written yesterday. My only problem is, I don't have a title for it. There isn't really a catchy catch-phrase that stands out enough to make it the title. So, I'm posting my lyrics in this blog for all to read and see if they have any serious suggestions. All jokes will be ignore/deleted/set on fire by an evil glare from me. Anyway, here they are:

V1
You have my heart
And you don't even know
But hardest part is
I can't even let go

Pre1
But how can you let go
Of what's not in your hand
My knees are so weak
I can't even stand

CH
Your smile it only
Hypnotizes
And I get so lost
In your eyes
Your beauty always
Seems to grow
And from within
It always flows

V2
I know I could ask you
For your heart
And open myself
To be torn apart

Pre2
But I can't let go
Of what's not in my hand
My knees are so weak
I can't even stand

CH

Gun Violence?

What is wrong with people? Do people really refuse to believe that humans are capable of killing? Do they really believe that it's that murders wouldn't happen if there were no guns in the world. Let me ask you this: What did Cain kill his brother, Able, with? Wait, the club did it right? Gotcha.

WRONG!

Do me a favor. Say, "POP!" Now that your head has successfully been removed from your anus, maybe you can start thinking clearly. How does a gun fire? A trigger needs to be pulled right? And how does the bullet hit something? It needs to be aimed, right? Riiiggghht. Now, tell me, who shot those kids? Or how about the people at that mall in Oregon? Let's go back 13 years; how about those high school kids in Littleton? It was crazed lunatics, not guns!

Using the term "gun violence" takes the responsibility out of the shooter and into an inanimate object that, if untouched, can't do a thing! Start looking at the real problem. It's a sinful, godless world with no respect for human life that creates this kind of senseless violence. Taking weapons out of the hands of responsible people who have a respect for human life, especially for defenseless children, only endangers the general public more! If this world knew how to love more, a need to defend and protect ourselves won't be necessary. But until that happens, we need to look out for each other. I'm loving the quote going around right now saying, "The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun." If I could afford a firearm myself, I would have one and wouldn't hesitate to use it on someone trying to harm either me or especially my loved ones. I may not shoot to kill but if that's what it takes, then so be it.

Gone

                Buzz!

            Who’s texting me? I thought as two more buzzes waked me from my sleep. But it vibrated again and then once more. I grabbed my phone, unplugged it from the charger and squinted as I held the small screen close to my eyes; without my glasses I’m legally blind.  The caller I.D. told me it was my younger brother, Mike, who was the middle child of us three boys.

            “Yeah?” I said groggily.

            “Jason…” his voice broke. “Come home.”

            Something wasn’t right. “Okay, we’ll be right there.”

            I closed my phone, grabbed my glasses and looked at the clock. My mind was such a blur, all I remember was that it was about 5am. I threw the covers off of myself and hopped out of the queen sized bed I was sleeping in. I didn’t bother grabbing a shirt, there wasn’t any time. I ran down the hall to my fiancée’s room, walked in and woke her. She sat up, looking at me confused.

            “Get dressed, we gotta go,” for what seemed the first time in our relationship, she didn’t argue and just did what I said. As soon as she started moving, I ran back down the wide hallway to my room. We were staying at the large house of friends of my parents. In fact, the wife was a teacher at the school my father worked at.

            My father had been diagnosed with cancer in March of 2010. It was the hardest news I’d ever received before. After months of treatments, the original cancer had been eliminated, but it had spread throughout his body. By Christmas it had gotten worse. There was a trial super-drug they put him on and it had the opposite affect it was supposed to. It ended up blocking his liver and shutting down his system shortly after my fiancée and I had left to go back home to Colorado.

            We got back into Colorado on a Monday; Tuesday I started a new assignment with the driving temp agency I worked for. By Friday my mom had called me to tell me I needed to come back right away; my father had gotten worse and was in the hospital because he couldn’t keep any food down.

            That night my mom found us plane tickets to fly out of Denver first thing Saturday morning.  My fiancée’s roommate graciously offered to drive us to the airport that morning. All I could remember was barely being able to sleep that night. She’d allowed me to crash on the couch for the night so we could get on the road as quickly as possible.

            Now, here I was rushing to get some clothes on because, more than likely, my father hadn’t made it through the night. It was Thursday morning, January 13^th, 2011. He had only been home in hospice care since Monday afternoon. How could God take him at 51 years old? That was way too young. I kept my composure as best as I could.

            Once I was dressed, I waited for my fiancée in her room. Within a couple minutes she was ready to go as well. We hurried through the house and opened the garage. They’d given us one of their garage remotes so we could come and go as we needed to. We got into my parents’ F-150, I hit the garage button, fired up the engine and sped out of the driveway. I couldn’t get there fast enough. I pushed the speed limit as much as I could, knowing the roads would be mostly empty. Thankfully we never saw a police officer between the house we were staying in and my parents’ place. The whole way I fought tears. Mike hadn’t said anything on the phone, but he hadn’t needed to.

            I parked in the cul-de-sac and we jumped out of the truck. I barely waited for my fiancée as we rushed up to the front door. I walked in and the first thing I saw was my dad’s hospice bed. He was perfectly still, his hands folded across his stomach and his eyes open, looking off to the side, as if someone were sitting on the piano bench to his right. His mouth slightly open from allowing his last breath to slip through.

            Mike was already crying as he hugged me while I stood in the doorway. My youngest brother, Ben, and my mom came down the stairs; Mike hugged our mother and Ben went straight for me, sobbing, not even looking at our father. I held him tightly, not knowing what to say.

            “Check him, please, make sure he’s really gone,” my mom said frantically through her heavy tears.

I let go of Ben, handing him off to Mike and then I approached my father. I placed my hand over his chest, he was still a little warm, but only from residual heat held in by the blankets covering him from the waist down. I couldn’t feel a heartbeat at all and he didn’t stir at my touch. My dad was gone. Forever.

The Next Big Thing

So, thanks to a good friend of mine, Rob Killam, I get to participate in this fun blog chain thing. At the end I'll probably be tagging him and another writer friend who has already done this, but that's just so they can read this, haha. Let's dive in!

What is the working title of your book?
My current book is called Eli Fletcher: The Mark of the King.

Where did the idea for your book come from?
I'm not really sure. I had written a crappy series back in High School about some teenagers chosen by God to slay demons. Then I had this idea of following one character, but showing how he lived his life according to the influences of angels and demons. So I took the two ideas and combined them...sorta haha.

What genre does your book fall under?
I would say Urban Fantasy since it takes place in a real place, but it deals with the supernatural also. 

If your book became a movie, what actors would you pick?
That's a tough one since most of my characters are children. I'd probably have a casting call for new actors and actresses to play these children, but as far as the adults go, I really am not sure anymore lol. But:

Hayden Panettiere as Miss O: Eli's watcher
Eion Bailey as Mr. Reese.
David Giuntoli as Eli's father, Raymond Fletcher
Evangeline Lilly as Eli's mother, Elizabeth Fletcher
Allen Alvarado as Eli Fletcher
Darcy Rose Byrnes as Fiona Love
Jonah Bobo as Billy Oldsen
Allisyn Ashley Arm as Allaryce Shrew
Jake T. Austin as Marco Price
Elle Fanning as Grace Smith
Colin Ford as Aiden Adler
Emma Lockhart as Meagan Adler
Jeffrey Donovan as Tentatio


What is your book’s one-sentence synopsis?
12 year old orphan, Eli Fletcher, has been chosen by God to close a hell mount and send demons back to where they came from.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?
Hoping to be represented by an agency, but if I don't seem to have any luck with that, I will save up to self-publish.

How long did it take you to write your first draft?
10 months

What other books in your genre would you compare your book to?
Harry Potter, Percy Jackson and possibly This Present Darkness and Piercing the Darkness (Frank Peretti)

Who or what inspired you to write this book?
I would have to say God entirely. I was working on a fantasy series, but this kid just popped in my head and I couldn't get him out. So, I started writing his story and, two years later, I haven't stopped!

What else might pique a reader’s interest in your book?
Unlike Harry Potter and Percy Jackson, there is no magic involved. Eli is given power directly from God and has a true purpose to protect humanity from the greatest evil known to man.

Tagging         
I don't have anybody to tag in the blog itself, so the tags will be when I post this on Facebook. 

Jonah

So, for some reason the topic of free will and predestination is on my mind quite often. Ask my brother, Mike, and he'll confirm that. I call him every time a new idea in support of free will pops in my head. However, that doesn't mean I deny God's sovereignty.

Well, just last night, while I was in the shower of all places, I started to realize that, even though my ideas are logical, they were lacking some biblical support. Then I realized that there is an Old Testament story that shows how both free will and God's sovereignty exist. That story is of Jonah.

Most people know the story of the man who spent three days in the belly of a whale (or large fish, that detail doesn't really matter lol). Well, let's look at it a little more closely.

God was ready to destroy the Ninevites because of their sin. But He decided to give them a final warning through Jonah. Jonah was scared of the Ninevites so he runs away in the opposite direction to Tarshish instead. A few things have happened here. God had a road, destination and plan set for Jonah. He knew Jonah's fear, but God let him make his own decision (free will). However, Jonah wasn't let off very easy. God would get Jonah to where He wanted him eventually, but He also had to get Jonah's heart in the right place too. So, what does God do? He sends a storm Jonah's way to get his attention.

How many times do we do the same thing? God tells us to do one thing, we say no, crap blows up in our face and we end up doing what God wanted us to anyway (most of the time). Well, that's what happens to Jonah. God let's him board a ship, but sends a storm his way that nearly destroys the ship. Jonah knows it's God trying to get his attention, so he tells the crew that it's his fault and that the only way they can save their ship is to toss him overboard. I doubt the guys even hesitate. As soon as Jonah hits the water, the storm calms.

Now, Jonah's stranded in the sea, probably miles from any land. Then what happens? A freaking whale swallows him whole! Just one thing after another, right? He sacrifices himself to save those he put in danger because of his rebellion, but that's not enough. A whale has to make him a snack! Once he's inside the belly of this whale, he may be sitting there thinking, "Really, God? Was this necessary?" God probably responded with, "Well, there was a boat with food and water you could have taken, but you ran away instead. So, enjoy the ride!"

So, if you look at the whole story, it's a perfect example of free will and God's sovereign will coexisting. I'm not saying free will is always a blessing, because it's just as much a curse. Without it there is no sin, because if it didn't exist, it means someone else is controlling our actions. If it's Satan or his demons controlling us, then God would only punish Satan for forcing our hand. If it's God controlling our actions, then He is the author of sin. Plus, if sin is disobedience to God and He controls our actions, how is it sin?

Also, God provided a way for Jonah to get where He wanted him. God knows the choices we will make, He doesn't make them for us. So, if we get off course, He's got a plan to get us back on track. He also knows who will choose to answer His call to follow Him and those who will ignore/reject the call. On top of that, He knows who needs a little extra prodding, so He pursues them just a little harder than others who fall in love with Him right away. Look at Jonah! He needed a hurricane and a giant fish to follow God's plan. Others hear the call and just trust right away and receive all of the blessings God had planned along the way.

That said, God does know who will never turn to Him. For example Sodom and Gomorrah; King Saul; and Pharaoh. God knew they would never turn from their sin, so he hardened their hearts and made them the storms for the ones God knew would come to Him. Lot was saved from destruction, even though he didn't stay loyal to God completely; David was a man after God's own heart; and Moses was able to lead God's people out of Egypt.

So, I guess my point is that there is no "one or the other" as far as free will and God's sovereignty. They both exist.

The Pit

The Pit

By Jason Kisner

What is depression,

But a pit, dark and despairing.

It’s a place that is lonely,

Where no one is caring.

It’s neglect and rejection

Realized imperfection

It’s a dwelling

But not for living

A home for death and destruction

And no hope of resurrection

There is no light

There is no sight

Only darkness

Only desperation

Eli Fletcher: The Mark of the King

12 year old orphan, Jefferey Kidd, has moved from orphanage to orphanage his entire life. Strange things happen around him that lead him to find out that his real name is Eli Fletcher, the next Sicarius. We pick up the story in Colorado Springs, where he gains supernatural powers handed to him by God to see and slay demons that have escaped a hell mount somewhere near Manitou Springs, CO. With a small team of his choosing, they protect the orphanage from the evil Tentatio, also called the tempter, who is trying to steal the souls of young children to increase his power until he can inhabit the body of his chosen vessel. Join Eli as he learns how to control his abilities, fight demons and find the missing pieces of the sword of the Sicarius.

Eranithia

This is the story of twins, Mark and Jennifer, who struggle to find their identity in the world they were born in, only to discover who they truly are in another world called, Eranithia. Together they learn from an old Wizard named, Garandol, that they are a part of a prophecy that will save the land from the evil King, Arnath. Joined by the last known Wood Elf, Arland, they must locate the true king and queen: another set of twins who were to succeed the throne after the passing of their parents in a tragic murder.

Please Come Home

Jeremy is a young man in his mid-twenties living life in the fast lane. The son of a luxury hotel owner, Jeremy has had many of the things in his life handed to him on a silver platter. After making a name for himself in an underground street racing circuit, a mob boss from Las Vegas, NV takes notice of young Jeremy, offering him the world at his fingertips. With the family tradition of financial backing to pursue a possible career or passion, when Jeremy turns 25 years old, he takes the money offered to him to get himself set up in Vegas. Life spins out of control with the temptation of money, drugs, fast cars and even faster women. Jeremy becomes a modern day prodigal son who hits rock bottom, and when he mysteriously ends up outside a farm in Montana, he is taken in by a humble farming family. Over time, they become the help each other needs.

Changing Seasons: Synopsis

Joshua has a tiff with his wife, and while retreating to his "man cave" (aka: the garage), he starts to go through some of his old stuff from his past. His daughter joins him and, feeling that she is now old enough for the full story, he tells her the story of how he and her mother ended up together. Beginning with their birth in 1982, the story takes you through the journey of childhood friendships, romances, bullies and all that comes with a coming of age story, ultimately showing that love can overcome any obstacle.

This War

So, I'm hoping to start up a new band up with some guys and these lyrics just kinda came out. Hope you all enjoy!

This War

 Who am I to you?
Another piece to your game?
You think you can play with my life
But I will come at you untamed
I'm about to lose control
Bash my head into a wall
What is the end result?
The loss of my very soul

I give in
I dive in
Into your war
Into my sin
Holy Sacrifice
Cleanse me again

Covered in blood
You're on the run
My fury, backed by power
You can't outrun
My strength under control
Your fist has met my wall
I laugh after all
For you can't touch my soul

I give in
I dive in
Into your war
Into my sin
Holy Sacrifice
Cleanse me again

This battle consumes me
It's life or death
But either way
I'll fight to the end