Questions

(V1)
I'm so broken it feels like
I am beyond repair
Can you fix me from this state
Or am I beyond repair?
I've let myself love too much
Can you hear me out there?
It's a self-destruct that you caused
And you don't even care

(CH)
How do I
Live with the choices
That you've made?
Tell me now
Who is the one that
Should take the blame?
'Cause it's not fair
You get to move on
With somebody else
I'm left here
With no one to hold
But myself

(V1)
Why have I let
You control me again?
It's like a sickness that I can't control
Please tell me, what is the cure?
So many questions i don't want to ask
'Cause you won't answer
Cut off that finger that once held a ring
'Cause I've got another one for you

Proved Me Wrong

When I didn't think I could love again
You proved me wrong
When I didn't think there was any pain left
You proved me wrong
When I didn't think I could smile again
You proved me wrong
When I doubted there were any tears left
You proved me wrong

Because sometimes

Love is pain
And you can't tell them apart
Love is pain
And you can't tear them apart
Love is pain
When two halves are apart

When I didn't think I could hurt more
You proved me wrong
When I didn't think I could feel more lost
You proved me wrong
When I didn't think I could long for more
You proved me wrong
When I didn't think I'd want the pain
You proved me wrong

Disguise

I see you there
But don't know what to say
So close for words
But your touch is so far away

Do you know what's in my heart?
Are you scared or just waiting?
I wish I could share my love
But for now I'll be waiting

I see your face
The angel I've always known
And one day
I know my cover will be blown

Do you know what's in my heart?
Are you scared or just waiting?
I wish I could share my love
But for now I'll be waiting

I'm a lover disguised as a friend
A future disguised as your past
A beginning disguised as an end
And a promise hidden beneath it all

Cold

I've become so cold
I've lost the passion
Joy has left me
Life has abandoned

I am broken
Am I beyond repair?
There's no good in me
I'm lost in despair

Fix me please
I need that fire
I'm stuck in this
Life of a liar

I know it's in my head
But a connection is broken
It won't reach my heart
Is my soul eternity frozen?

I am broken
Am I beyond repair?
There is no good in me
I'm lost in despair

Father

Father

(V1)
Safe and sound
I feel it in my bones
Love and strength
Deep in my soul
To hear you're proud
Means more to me
Than anything
This would can offer me

(CH)
Great is your love for me
I can see you everywhere
I know you're looking down on me
Oh, great is your love for me

(V2)
I feel your love
Even though you're gone
I hear your voice
Whispering to me
To make a choice
Instead of lingering
Take a chance
Don't let life pass you by

(V3)
A father's love
None else can compare
It's strength and hope
Can pull you from despair

Me

Me

            It’s always said that when telling a story, the start is the hardest part. That’s no lie. You see, I’ve been staring at a blank page on my computer screen all morning, not knowing how to start. I’d also been staring at it blankly because, well, I didn’t know what I wanted to write about. I’m still not sure I do, but I decided to just start typing and see what happens. Maybe if I talk about where I’m at in life right now it’ll spark something.

            Let’s see; I’m 30 years old, divorced, moved back in with my mother and I seem to have lost all motivation to write anymore. I’m depressed. There, I said it. I’m depressed. I hide it well, no one can tell unless they pay close enough attention and if anyone does notice, they don’t say a thing about it. So, I keep my mouth shut, and they keep their mouths shut. I don’t say anything because I don’t want to come off as complaining about my life. I know others have had it harder than I have, but the problem with thinking like that is that it doesn’t make what I personally deal with any easier.

            I know others have lost spouses due to death, but most of them never doubted the love their husband/wife had for them. Me, my wife wanted out because she couldn’t keep herself true to me. And she had the gall to say she couldn’t trust me? Why, because I tried getting out of a relationship that was unhealthy for both of us before it became a marriage? What a hypocrite! Selfish bitch had to control everything, right down to how the relationship would end!

            I have no outlet for my anger and depression because I know that if I say something and the wrong person saw it, it would get back to her and I’d be made out to be the bad guy again. You see, she had this way of playing the victim to gain pity. Hell, it was probably for attention. I really doubt she realized she was doing it, but she was so damn good with her words that she could convince a priest he was going to Hell. Not that she did that, but that’s just how good she was.

            And here I am, thinking about the last person on earth I want on my mind at all. Why? Because I still love her? Hell no! I can’t get her out of my head because she got her way once again. Yeah, ultimately I wanted out too, but like everything, it had to be on her terms.

            I just want to yell and scream at her about how she ruined the past two and half years of my life, and how it’s continuing without her even in the picture. I want to yell at her for ruining the last couple weeks of time I had left with my dad. How her bullshit has kept me from being able to mourn losing him. How it’s her fault I now have to rebuild love and trust with some of my family members. How I wish I’d never met her. I also want to yell at her because of how guilty those thoughts make me feel and that I hate that I feel guilty because I know I’m not wrong. The only thing I did wrong was let myself fall for her.

            At one time I had texted a friend with a line for a song I wanted to write. It said, “My quest was for the damsel, but I fell for the dragon.” That was more true to my life than I think I even realized at the time. I’d told my mom that my ex-wife had a serpent’s tongue. Fitting with that lyric I’d written. I’d originally written it about sin, but it was really about the woman I was in a relationship with. I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from getting to know her. If there was one request I could make to God, it would be that. Because, I know if I could have stopped myself from making that mistake, many things would be different right now.

Punish

Punish

(V1)
Punish the gun and not the shooter
Take away the tool; the temptation is gone
This is the delusion we believe in
That we are good and cannot do wrong

Do we believe

(CH)
That there is no answer
For the cancer that is our sin
No one above us
That can save us from what's within
The evil that drains us
And cannot save us from our death
Will betray us and
Turn us from Jesus; our Saving Breath

(V2)
Punish the Word and its Author
Remove the warnings; the temptation is gone
Don't educate us or try to save us
Bow down to the god that is ourselves

(V3)
Punish the child that is not born
Remove the infection we did not want
A selfish sacrifice of an unwanted gift
Don't let this thing ruin our lives 

Casting for Coming Storm...So Far: 5 Supporting Characters

In my last blog I posted the friends I could see playing the lead characters in my current book series, Coming Storm. In this blog I am going to list the friends I can see playing some of the supporting characters. As more characters are created, I will post blogs "casting" them as well!

Peismtaris

Description: Tall and good-looking with long black hair, red eyes and red skin.

Background: Servant in the volcano palace of the Fire Kingdom. In a secret relationship with Omorfia, the Princess.

Friend: Brandon Bowe

Glykos

Description: Pretty, black hair, red eyes and red skin.

Background: Has to hide her beauty because of her position as personal servant to Omorfia. She is the great granddaughter of Omorfia's previous servant.

Friend: J'Amy Wright

King Sorrenn

Description: Looks younger than he is because of the excellent shape he is still in. Shoulder length blonde hair, brown eyes, muscular and very battle-worn. Has blond facial hair that is starting to turn white.

Background: King of the Air Kingdom for the past 40 years since his father past away. Has six sons and is a widower.

Friend: Jason Grundy

Leo

Description: Very muscular, shoulder length brown hair and blue eyes.

Background: The oldest of Sorrenn's six sons, leads the Air Kingdom military.

Friend: Marc Morgan

Segg

Description: Transparent blue, but his physique is muscular. What would appear to be hair is long, down to his shoulder blades.

Background: High Spirit of Erus, the Great Spirit.

Friend: Austin Stewart 

Cast for Coming Storm....So Far: 4 Lead Roles

I'm going to give a little background on each character and then tag everyone in the post so they can see who they would play if the books were to become movies haha. I'm only doing this because I thought it would be fun, plus it helps me give a better description of the characters in the story.

So, here are the characters, their backgrounds and the friend who they will be based on from here on out!

Achristos

Description: A young man in his early twenties. He is very good looking, muscular and has blond hair that falls past his shoulders. Like the rest of his people, he has a set of wings that allow him to travel in the kingdom that resides in the clouds.

Background: He is the sixth and youngest son of King Sorrenn of the Air Kingdom. They live in a palace built onto a giant cloud. Erus, the Great Spirit, created special clouds for the people of the Air Kingdom that are solid enough to build, plant crops and live on. King Sorrenn had six towers built, one for each of his sons, and they surround the main palace. Because of the treatment he receives from his father, Achristos is rebellious and acts out against his father. He throws wild parties, drinks a lot and sleeps with many of the Air Kingdom women. He has been chosen by Erus to be a key member to bring peace back to the four kingdoms so they may live together in harmony once again.

Friend: TJ Wright

Polemistis

Description: Mid to late twenties. Strong and battle worn. Has short brown hair, a short beard, and is basically reminiscent of King Leonidas.

Background: Son of a high ranking General. He quickly moved up in ranks to become a Major and trains new recruits for battle. The Earth Kingdom people are very territorial and are very stubborn. They would go to war at the drop of a hat, even with each other. He has also been chosen to bring about the change Erus wants.

Friend: JD Marston 

Omorfia

Description: Beautiful with long red hair and skin. Her eyes are orange and almond shaped, like most of the Fire Kingdom people. 

Background: Princess of the Fire Kingdom. She, with the rest of her people, live in a volcano, she enjoys surfing on waves of magma generated by an invention of one of their spell-caster/scientists. She is a very passionate person and is currently in a secret relationship with one of the palace servants, Peismataris. Her parents are on a mission to find her a proper suitor but she always finds a reason for why each one doesn't work out; some are legit, others, not so much.

Friend: Lyssi Garcia

Eirini

Description: Chocolate brown hair that comes halfway down her back. Bright green eyes. Tanned skin. Also very beautiful. When in the water, gills appear behind her ears and her fingers and toes become webbed. Her kind can swim for miles at great speeds.

Background: Her aunt has raised her since she was very young after her parents' death. Her aunt is also the queen, has remained unmarried and has no children. Eirini is heir to the throne. She has supported the rebellion that is bent on going to war with the four kingdoms in hopes to overthrow their leaders and reunite the four kingdoms into one again.

Friend: Bailey Kiewel

You're Not Too Far

You're Not Too Far

Words are hard to come by
When I'm thinking of you
And I get all tongue tied
When I talk about you

I hope that you notice
That this is about you
It kinda makes me nervous
And, yeah, I'm scared too

(ch)
Your beauty turns heads
But your grace turns my heart
I know no one is perfect
But you're not too far

I can't keep this
Buried in my heart
There's no way I can
Just love you from afar

'Cause I've waited too long
To confess to you
How much I really
Care about you